Motherhood – Page 2 – Adrenalyn Max Family

Easter is coming soon!

Good morning. I love the Holidays and the time I get with my kids even though they make me bananas daily. I look forward to the Spring Break and pray the weather is super nice. I have a lot of work ahead of myself as there is another sale coming and I really need a side hustle to pay my rent. I just don’t make enough money and now that my van is broken and remains broken because I don’t have the money to fix it I really need an income for my kids. Life is just so hard on me. Some days are enlightening because I just love my kids faces and they bring my heart so much love and bliss but other days I just feel like I’m failing them because I can’t do much more than I am already trying to do. I’m always getting scam calls and emails and I believe in these people but they are just lying to me and I have to learn how to weed out the bad and only let in the honest and true. Anyways here’s hoping I can manage Easter dinner and maybe get some stiff sold to make money to pay my rent and fix my van. I know that’s reaching but here’s hoping. I’ll leave you with a little bit of joy as my Girls saw the Easter bunny at school and they were able to get beautiful matching dresses cheap and they just look so happy and adorable so I hope their faces bring you happiness as they do me. Kids are so innocent and perfect I wish I could feel like a kid again. Have a beautiful blessed day everyone!

Photo op

Good morning everyone! I am going to tell you about how I take my own family pics and how when my sister came in she paid for someone to take pics for us and how the two are a lot alike. So, I have taken my kids to a park or an outdoor area and have used my camera on my phone in portrait mode and have gotten some really amazing shots of my kids that I can then take to a store and have printed as big or small as I would like them. I will post some pics from the photos of the paid professional who did them and some of the photos I took myself. Obviously the ones I did myself are from a little bit ago but and the pictures from the pro are recent since my sister was just in a few weeks ago. Taking photos myself makes the most sense to me if I’m just taking pictures of my kids since they grow and change so fast I would be taking pictures a lot more. Anyways when I’m doing them myself it’s easier because I’m not on a time limit or have a schedule to keep to. I can take my time getting everyone dressed and out the door. I tend to promise they can play at the park afterwards so they will stay off the ground and clean and neat until my photos are done. I have taken them to the playground and to local parks for the colors of the grass, slides and equipment and even the fall foliage a few times. Once we are dressed and ready and we get to the location I usually grab a nice blanket or whatever props we are going to use for those pics and take a walk to a nice open area to start and I take a few pics in the open and then move to say a tree and take pics under it and next to it in different poses. Once my son wanted his done as Spider-Man so I allowed it since I was taking them and he really loved Spider-Man at that time. Anyways. When we are done there is when I would start walking towards the playground as once my kids see that they tend to want to run off and play so this way if they do I already have some shots completed. As we walk if I see a log or nice flowers or something like that I stop and take a few shots there too. At the playground I try to go with bright colored equipment and pose next to or on those like slides and monkey bars and so on. I have take swing pics of the kids in the air from being positioned low so the shot is them in the blue sky but that definitely take lots of pictures because their faces change so I tend to take many many shots and then go in and choose which ones came out the best and delete the ones that didn’t come out well. It definitely takes patience on everyone’s part as the kids want to play and run but it’s not too bad because they have the promise to hold on to that they can play afterwards. As far as I can tell pros may have experience and expensive cameras and stuff but I certainly can’t afford that myself so taking them myself in portrait mode on my phone saves me money and my sanity because we aren’t in a rush to get the shots because you pay for the photos and time with pros. I have also purchased one of those tripod stands for my phone that comes with a blue tooth remote camera button so I could set up and take pics of myself with the kids too. I have also taken many photos in the house. When taking indoor photos I have purchased backgrounds from Amazon for around $13 for that Holiday or season especially in the colder months as I would rather take pics inside. Plus, I can take my time and make clothing changes and start with one child at a time until all are dressed and ready to take pics of all of them together. As long as you have decent lighting and room or space in your home it’s really inexpensive to buy a background to hang and take pics using inside. I will add an indoor picture too just to give you an example. As a single parent I try to make ends meet and I love to have many photos of my growing children on my walls. So having photos of them is a must and paying a pro to take them is not always an option so this is a great alternative for me. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps some parents and you give it a try and see if this works for you too! Have a great day!!

This is inside with a background and lighting.

This was a shot I got of them being lovey.

This was same day as my son wanted to be Spider-Man

This is the most recent professional photos.

Trying to have a side hustle

Everybody good morning. I hope to find everyone well. I am on my way to do a pop-up kids consignment. I have washed cleaned and hung and tagged all of my kids stuff that doesn’t fit or they never wore and I am going to try to make some extra money to pay my rent, because Lord knows I struggle paying my rent so much, it would be so much cheaper for me to move into a home that I owned and have $600 mortgage rather than pay double that for House) that’s not even mine. With that being said I am very excited and hope that I sell a lot of my items. I certainly don’t price high. I think the highest priced clothing item is $10 And the highest priced equipment like baby swings stuff like that is $30 so I don’t think I have anything with me today that’s over $30 so I’m hoping that I make some decent money I really could use it my girls want to do cheerleading that cost money my son wants to play baseball that cost money my van is broken and I have to drive my kids to these extracurricular activities and that is just not easy to do and because I don’t have any friends I can’t ask anyone to take us or take my kids so that doesn’t help but hopefully this goes well for me. Please say a little prayer and thanks in advance for reading my post. Hope you all have a wonderful day, stay safe and healthy.

Been through some stuff but…

Good morning. So I have been thinking a lot about the cards I have been felt and I am so grateful even with all the awful turns and bad things that just keep happening to me. Because I’m grateful for my children and having each day with them even though it is a lot on me day after day I am incredibly grateful to have them as they are my lifelong dream come true. I have wanted children of my very own since I can even remember or knew where babies came from haha. Lately I have been thinking a lot about those who were taken away from us too soon. Or those that I knew because there’s been so many people in the world taken before their time. I’m so sad to think about those who are no longer with us. My Dad is the first one I think of and knowing how my sister and I call ourselves orphans because we may have family but we don’t have the kind of family like we would like. People who have a very involved and a family whom gets together on holidays and spends time together just because often complain how they hate their family being there or meddling in their lives but they are super lucky to have that village. That’s what I strive for my kids to have with me. An open door policy knowing they can come home at any time they want and I will always go through it with them and be here for them no matter what. Anyways I often think how differently my life would have turned out had my father not died when I was a toddler. I also think of friends that have been taken so incredibly young. When I was in middle school a friend had an awful car accident that took her life and I always ask why? She was so perfect. She drank sure but she didn’t curse or smoke or do anything wrong ever and she had great grades and was beautiful and just an incredible person. She had a great family and support system and when I found out she was taken it was such a shock because she’s such an incredible person. Then my cousin who is/was also an incredible person and young man who just had a child with his newly married wife. He also was taken was too soon. Just had his wedding and a new baby I just don’t understand why. Then there’s my best friend who I grew up with and learned a LOT about life with and ran the streets with (back then it was safer and we all did that) and had so many memories together. Needless to say he had left here to start a new chapter in his life joined the service and was such an impressionable young man. He was doing big things. He had such a beautiful heart and even saying that seems like an understatement as he was just an incredible person and so kind and thoughtful and giving and more. He was TWENTY when he was taken. At that time I was in a relationship with my ex and he was very controlling and I was not able to attend my friends funeral and that still sits poorly with me. But that was what I was dealing with at that time but I wanted so much to have some closure and to say goodbye for now to my friend. I have often thought about him and the weeks leading up to his passing and hoping that he was happy and that he felt love and all the joy with those around him. It truly breaks my heart because he was destined for wonderful things. He truly was. His brother was taken years later and he also has/had children whom were so young and that’s so hard because I can only imagine they may think about the same things as my sister and I, wondering if their lives would have been different and how it would have been different. There’s also a woman whom I was friends with growing up whom I can recall her standing up for me (not many people stand up for me) in moments of silly stuff and serious stuff whom was taken away way too soon. I ache wondering if they were scared or if they felt the love they had by those around them or the love that others have for them. I haven’t been sleeping well thinking of them all. I am so sorry to those whom have lost someone they love or were close to. I am trying to find the right comforting words and the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is that I try to find peace in knowing that they are all in a loving place and thinking they could potentially have the ability to watch us all here and our struggles and so on but if anything they all know they have been loved here and one day we shall all meet again. There’s so many wonderful people in the world and they have been taken ahead of their time. I truly feel blessed to have each day and I feel so much pain knowing that some had that taken from them way too soon. I am so sorry if this bring up any pain for anyone else I just wanted to share my personal experiences as I suffer with so many questions and I don’t have the answers or know how to find them. I’m just going to continue to pray for those we lost and always remember that I am blessed to have the time I have with my kids and watching them grow up and learn and laugh and all the beautiful things that make up this thing called LIFE.

Daily experience

Hi again. So the reality of how and why so many things seem to happen to me. After having my van break I was just in a bad place emotionally and then it just seems to get even worse. What happens to me is hard to believe a lot of the time but yet here it is… The following day I am getting my eight year old son onto his van for school and as he drives off I decided to just stand on my porch for a few minutes before continuing to get the girls ready for school and here comes a car literally flying down the street. Right behind it comes another car flying down right behind it. The cars get to the corner at the bottom of the road and I hear a gunshot or what definitely sounded like a gunshot. At first I thought no… can’t be a gunshot it was a car backfire or something and in seconds after I hear a woman screaming Oh My God OhMy God Help Help I immediately called the police because clearly it was definitely a gunshot I heard and the call goes to answering system and then they answer. I explain what happened and they said they are aware and sending someone. Asked me questions I didn’t have the answers to and then the dispatcher says I don’t want to make you upset or frustrated and he hangs up on me. Here the police show up and that’s it. They were securing the scene for the ambulance to come through. Then the ambulance arrived and transported the victim to the ER and start taping off the street. I’m completely beside myself at this moment because all the kids are heading out the door for school and there’s a shooting!! I just cannot believe this! I return to getting my pre schoolers off to school to get them out of the house and away from here. This has certainly rocked me and I’m in fear for my kids and my own safety at this point. I leave take them to school and return with the baby and then an office walks up the street and is looking for homes with cameras on their houses. He sees my wireless and starts to say something about it and I told him it’s not charged so it’s not collecting anything because it’s not on. (I have to charge both of my wireless cameras on the front and back porch of the house). The officer says that a man has a gunshot to his leg and is being treated and no further information at this time. They had the street taped off until noon and this happened at 7:30am and then the news reports that there was an accidental shooting that occurred as someone had accidentally shot themselves in the leg. That the public is safe. That was obviously a LIE as to not send the public into a panic. I am also hearing that all the stores on the square in town are being robbed at night so I feel that this is only getting worse and worse. Eventually the great Country will be destroyed by all these crimes being committed and the tax payers will be paying much more to keep these people in jail. It’s such a shame. It still seems so unreal that this kind of stuff is happening here and that it’s even happening at all around here. Not sure what the rest of the situation is because it’s not being spoken of but it’s very scary and I just wish we could move away to a safer and better place. I just don’t know how or why I seem to have so many things happen and almost daily. I feel like I need an aura cleanse or some kind of positive energy intervention. It’s like my bloodline had done something in their past and that bad karma or whatever is affecting me and my family with all the negative things. I feel that any prayers or cleansing would be greatly appreciated if anyone would like to say a prayer for us. Anyways that’s the update on daily happenings. As far as my van goes it’s broken and likely for good. The timing belt/chain is most likely what’s wrong with it and it may have warped or damaged something that makes the motor run when it broke and it is leaking oil because the gaskets are blown or something. I’m just so disappointed that we finally get into a home and that is just so important for us and even struggling to pay my rent is not enough because now my van is out of commission and most likely for good. I just don’t know what to do. We could use some positive energy. Hope everyone is having a better day/week/month/year than I/we are. Stay safe everyone. I appreciate you taking the time to read my daily experiences.

Here I sit, once again.

Hi there. So my sister is coming in tomorrow and she had plans to take me out to a nice fancy place to eat just to give me a break from the stresses and I have to pick her up at the airport tomorrow afternoon. So of course I’m on my way to the grocery store to buy food and then I have to get my kiddos from school. Well on my way my van just dies. It throws a code and says VSN and shuts off. The baby’s asleep in his car seat and here I am, stranded. I have to get my kids from school and my van will not start. I’m just so down in the dumps. When I feel calm and that things are getting better or have any sense of joy, something goes wrong. always. I don’t have any money to put into my van. My sister had bought me this van when my daughter was born in March of 2017 so it’s lasted me almost five years. But now I have to figure out what to even do. I’m just so disappointed and the struggle has really got me at a low point. I’m just really upset this happened. Not that I wasn’t waiting for the shoe to drop but the day before my sister comes. Why? Ugh I’m being told it’s the timing belt/chain and it could have warped the motor or something and it may not ever be driven again. I mean really? Can this really be it? I guess this is life. One thing after another. The snowball effect. Trying not to let it get me down so bad this time so the kids don’t see it because they need strength and positivity. So here I come world, be easy on me I have had one heck of a ride so far. Thank you all for reading my life happenings and just know you are not alone as stuff happens to us all. We have to try to hold it together and just keep moving forward hoping to get ahead, a little at a time. Have a wonderful day everyone! I shall leave you with some happiness in a photo of the Valentines project we did together for school.

Having Help

Hello again. I am just going to express some of my thoughts and feelings quick because I’m not sure many people understand why it’s so hard to be an adult and do what you have to do with kids and being a single parent. I tried to explain that many people whom have kids have family or friends they can trust and depend on to watch their children. Even if they only have one person that they can count on randomly watching their kids it’s better than no one and not at all. Just going to the store for a few items with the kids is such a hard time and stressful experience. When you hear the expression “It Takes a Village “ it is so true. One of the very reasons I wanted to have a big family is because this way my kids have each-other to help one another. I have one sister but because she lives so far away I can’t just have her sit with the kids while I run to the store or errands. Having all of them and say having to physically take everyone out to go into the pharmacy for three minutes is way too stressful and overwhelming. Or running into the grocery store for milk and bread turns into a whole other thing with kids wanting stuff I can’t afford or running around or fighting with each other or bumping into strangers because they are not paying attention. It’s just a lot. I hear some people complain that their mom or dad or family is to involved in their lives and they hate it I often say or think to myself you have no idea how lucky you are to have that. Think of how hard things would be if you didn’t have that. Most of the time their family that is in their business is only doing it because they care and want what’s best for them. I wish I had that. I wish I could do so many things that just seem way out of reach for me. I feel like by the time I can actually gain some ground in life I will be too old to actually enjoy anything. My credit score has dropped for unknown reasons (maybe because I paid the minimum payment for the last few months?) or because I have had to use them more than normal? Idk but I have to start looking for a new place soon because I can’t stay here much longer so when my lease is up I’m going to have to move out and pray we don’t end up on the street with the economy like it is and now housing being far few and in between because of all the immigration. I’m so worried about everything. I have been on the list for housing choice vouchers in a few different areas but not sure if I’m even going to get that before my lease is up. I could really use some prayers. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I’m sorry if my life often seems like a negative energy I wish it wasn’t that way too. Be safe and stay healthy!

One day at a time…

Hello there. I wanted to write an update sort of or just a little of what’s happening with me or what’s on my mind lately. I have been under the weather so to speak as my family has been sick since just before Christmas. It seems as though we are just getting virus after virus and they linger for a long time too. Anyways, I have been able to try to rest since I’m so sick and actually watch some television for once and as I watch these reality shows or my kids watch reality kids shows I see how discouraging and disconnected they all are to the real world. I certainly can’t relate to them and their lavish lifestyle and it’s so upsetting for my kids and unrealistic for them to think that’s how life is supposed to be. Every single show all of them live in these huge million dollar homes and have perfect cars and they almost all have zero family photos on their walls or anything that makes them seem real. I try to explain to my kids that they can’t just make a video and be like the shows they watch. Explaining that all those shows have people working for them editing and scripting their videos. They also have a crew following them around doing the recording that they are not walking around trying to record themselves. Of course I’m mom so they don’t believe me at all. I also watched some that just make me wonder if they even think about the money they are throwing out the door? I mean One Of their private jet trips could potentially buy a decent home or even a few decent homes for someone who doesn’t have the ability to buy their own home. I mean even one shopping trip could buy so many used vehicles for people that otherwise wouldn’t be able to have a vehicle for transportation to work or school. So many people struggle and to watch a lot of videos of people just spending needlessly is so disturbing. I wonder if any of them see a homeless person and offer them anything? I’m saying a meal or a coffee? Not necessarily a house or car but even a ten dollar bill or if they look down on them and assume they are bad people because of their situation? I don’t have the answer to that but I think if those who have the wealth looked down on those who don’t then one day they will have to answer to a higher power and in their next life maybe they wouldn’t be so wealthy and see how it truly feels to be judged and looked down on due to their circumstances. I mean I know they worked for their wealth or most of them did as some may have had it given to them by their parents or whatever. I just would like more options for my kids to see life differently and not set such high expectations. My six year old has been asking for about two years to go to Disney and I keep trying to explain that when she watches these stars go to Disney they have guides and people who plan their whole trip and they don’t have to worry about anything because they have plenty of money to have and buy whatever they want and stay at lavish hotels and go to spas and eat at fine restaurants and they truly enjoy their experiences having no limit on spending and a crew to make their plans perfect. They don’t go to Disney the same as we would go (if ever that was even possible) as they go there to truly enjoy their experience we would go and have to choose between one thing or another as we don’t have money to throw away like that. But she believes truly that Disney is magical and she would be treated like a Princess and that it would all be smooth and exciting the entire time. I just let her keep her fantasy and ultimately agree with her and say one day we will have to go there but I know that’s never going to happen. She doesn’t know that the reality is that I fought so hard to get my credit score high and that having all the bad stuff happen and now living in a place that I can’t afford has caused me to have to use my credit cards to buy food for them and gas and stuff making my payments higher and now my interest is higher and it’s like dominos. All I really wanted was to get into a home of my very own in NC and even explaining that my mortgage would be half of the rent I have to pay making it possible for me to pay for other stuff and bills but nothing went according to plan and here I am once again kicked back into the ditch that I feel I will never get out of. I scratch and crawl to get ahead and one action (landlord selling the home we lived in) resulted in many reactions that I can barely keep up with. I don’t think people who have family to help them or people who have a home of their own realize how lucky they really are. I wondered how some people could complain their their parents or siblings or what have you are in their lives or always being there etc and how annoying it is and I just say to them you have no idea how lucky you are to have family that is there to talk to or to help you or to call upon when you are down and out or need guidance or what have you. There’s so many things I see happening and how television is so different from when I grew up and damaging it is to kids and sets their expectations way off. Sure it’s great to dream and have high hopes but if things don’t turn out that way you certainly need to be grounded or have the ability to get back up and push forward and not let it all get you so down that you have no strength to push ahead. Hoping that I eventually get to a place where we can feel secure and not have to worry so much. I couldn’t imagine a life where I didn’t have to feel so lost and alone. But I will keep pushing forward for my kids and try my best to teach them to be the best version of themselves always no matter how hard life really is at that moment in time. May you all be blessed with health, happiness and love in your lives always.

My girl at her school friends birthday party

They were all so into seeing how others live (my baby hates clothes when he’s home). This is them happy and content.

Keep the Faith

Im so grateful that Christmas was wonderful for the kids thanks to their school helping out and my doctors office and a kind stranger at the store and additional organizations that I applied to. I also went to a gift giveaway and I was first in line with my 2year old (it was a dive through). I am most grateful we have a place to call home and each other which is the most important part of the Holiday. I also had to use a credit account to purchase the one thing they wanted as no organization provides those larger items. The school gave my daughter a ticket to see Christmas light drive through and I took them to that as well. We had gone to this light show in the years past but we weren’t going this year because money is so tight therefore the ticket was another blessing. The kids also had a chance to see Santa at the lights. As Christmas passes I know that having a place to call home for us to be together and make memories in is all that matters after the long, hard, stressful summer we had and the fears we faced. We are happy to just be. When you have those things you don’t really think about them but when they are threatened and lost it is always fear to lose them so I appreciate the small things like time spent together and having a place to call home. Feeling blessed being with my children and making memories together. Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year!

Christmas time and I was about to give up and then this happens…

Hello and let me first say thank you for taking the time to read my blog posts. So as you know we have been through some rough stuff over the summer and we have found a place to call home even though making my bills and the rent has been a struggle. Anyway we made it this far and still have a roof over our heads and that’s a blessing. With that being said Christmas is getting closer and I have received help from one of the multiple organizations I applied to. It’s so scary and stressful not knowing if the other places are going to pull through or if we just have to wait until Christmas Eve or something? So I went to return a outfit I bought at full price as it was now on super sale and I found a few clearance items and as I took them to the register to ask how much they all were and if anything additional came off the clearance price the cashier and I spoke about an agency that was helping her younger siblings who are foster children and she said how incredible these agencies are and the large gifts that they purchased for her siblings. Unfortunately I don’t live in their district so I couldn’t apply. But I was so pleased to hear how great another person or people were in making a strangers child have a wonderful Christmas Day. As we spoke of that I had to put all but one item aside because I just can’t afford it clearance or not. Well… there was a man picking up an online order for his wife and he said he would pay for the items I couldn’t buy. I couldn’t believe my ears. I’m still shaken and randomly cry at the kindness he showed me and without judgement. I started to lose hope in society and people in general because when we had no place to call home there just was no help at all for us. None. Being such an engaged mom and family I felt so let down by the system and how they just have no help for us who really need it. For a home. Not money but a place to feel safe and lay our heads at night and to keep warm and clean etc. But this man who was a stranger who didn’t have to do that DID!! How incredibly awesome was that!! I prayed for his family to have blessings and lots of love in their lives. He made me have that happy cry I so badly needed. I have to say that one gesture has restored a lot of hope I lost in society. Thank you to him for being so kind. I keep reminding my children that being together is what’s important during the Holidays and everyday. Spending time together laughing making memories is what’s important and we will eventually get our lives back the way it was and then we can have a big Christmas celebration one year. They agree but I know they believe that Santa is going to pull through and come for them. My son who’s 8 actually handed our letter to Santa to the postman and he’s sure Santa got it because the postman said he ABSOLUTELY delivers to Santa still. So he is sure Santa’s coming. I fight so hard to be the best mom I could possibly be and their little faces are all I can think about with Christmas right around the corner. Here’s hoping the other organizations I applied to will prevail and pull through this week for them before schools out and I will then have all four kids in tow all day and night leaving zero free time to pick up gifts for them. I’m going to end it there as this was just to say thank you so much to the gentleman at JC Penney and to those who have pulled through for us such as the homeless advocate at my kids school. Thank you for helping us this year I/We Appreciate you all!! I leave you all with a photo of my girls with Santa at school. Thank you again. Merry Christmas to all and I hope you all find yourselves together, healthy and safe this holiday season! Bless you all! Merry Christmas!!