Hi again. I’m still dealing with many things at once. I want to get my jaw fixed but no one seems to care to fix it. I’m also having issues with my youngest being sick just nonstop. So bear with me as I type having so much running through my head at once. I’m looking for ways to make an income from him but doesn’t involve creating websites and shipping items myself. I would love to learn how drop ship works or have a site set up for me to add items to sell as I use certain things that have helped me in my journey mostly parenting. I am looking for anyone to throw some advice my way as to how to make money or have another side hustle that’s not some kind of scheme like buy stuff to sell stuff etc. I have heard about people doing Amazon dictating books for X dollars and was going to look into that but I also am not sure how that works. I’m desperate for money to pay my bills and rent. I wish I wasn’t so insecure about myself and felt comfortable posting videos. Maybe one day? Idk. Anyways if anyone has any advice or ideas for a side hustle I would greatly appreciate it as will my children.
Category Archives: Daily Struggles
Easter was no Vacation
Good morning everyone. Hope I find you doing well. How was your Easter and or Spring Break? Mine ugh I can’t even begin to describe how sick we all were and still are to some extent. Let me begin with the fact that my kids had Spring Break from school from March 27th to April 1st returning the 2nd or they should have. This is how our break went. Starting with having two birthdays as my son turned nine on the 21st and my daughter turned 5 on the 29th. So there was two Birthdays and my 6 year old daughter had to go to the ENT and the Dental hygienist the day before my daughter’s birthday and was the second day they were off of school. After going to these appointments at the hospital we had stopped to see my mother as she lives down that way and we haven’t seen her in quite some time. It happened to be way colder that day than we thought and due to such a long day with the appointments we had to head home earlier than planned so it was short with her. We finally get home and about five pm it began as my kids started getting fevers one after another. Mind you my youngest was already presenting with some cold symptoms about two days prior. I gave fever reduction meds and fed them what they were willing to eat and sent them all to bed. Next day was my daughter’s birthday so we celebrated the best of our ability as everyone was coming down with sickness at that time. As the day continued we were all just trying to rest as everyone was so sick and the fevers make us all sleepy. Then it was Easter and after the kids woke to find the bunny had come in and left them each a basket I had began cooking Easter supper. The kids just laid around unwell all day and we had supper together and I spoke of Jesus Christ a bit and watched the life of Moses. I am not a huge fan of Easter because of the pain I feel when I think of those times back then and how people treated one another and what they did to Jesus and how all who loved him including his Mother Mary had to suffer in watching what was done to him. I often get upset and cry so I try to keep it minimal for my kids not to see me hurting in that way as they get very upset to see mommy hurting. Needless to say I made a beautiful ham and we ate and we went to bed early because again we were all so sick. My oldest son (9) was absolutely burning up on one of my many trips in the and throughout the night around three am I checked his temp and it was reading 106 but he was wrapped in blankets because he had chills from his temp and so I pulled him out of his bed brought him to the bathroom shower put him in an Luke warm shower while giving him fever reduction meds and I got wet cool rags ready for when he got out of the shower. When he was out his temp dropped to 103.8 and he was complaining about chills so I put him on the couch and cooled him with damp cloths until his meds started to work. About 1.45 min I sent him back to bed. The next day my daughter (6) began a high fever. I had it at that point and I took three of them to the dr for swabs and low and behold they have the Flu B and Human Meta Pneumonia, Rhinovirus and my daughter (6) also was diagnosed with strep. They were so sick. The next day my youngest (2) was showing signs of high temps but I didn’t want to expose him to more germs and take him to be swabbed too because I already knew what his siblings had. So we waited and tried to rest at home and treat the symptoms per Doctors orders. At this point they have or were supposed to have returned to school but they still had fevers. The dr said the fevers can last from 5-7 days. Ugh. Now three days into not returning to school my son (2) and daughter (5) started not wanting to eat. I returned to the dr and they both were tested and tested positive for strep. A few more days later they are all still home from school and the weeks about over and they have been to the dr about twice per kids or say group of sickest kids at that time. I was at the dr about six times in total with this illness spreading through my home. My kids all had severe leg pains behind the knees and calves etc. to the point they could or didn’t want to walk stand or move. I believe this was a part of the flu. At this point we are around the 6/7th and they are still not 100% yet. My son (9) had to be swabbed and he was positive for strep too and now all my kids have tested positive for strep throat and on antibiotics at this point. So now the day of the eclipse and they have half a day today and I just can’t send them as it’s the first day of no fever without meds. We at this point it’s in about 20 days of no school between spring break and these viruses that has made them miss so many days. They have all gotten better but not 100% and my youngest is still very sick as I write. So they returned to school on the 9th (2 days in now) and it shows how they aren’t doing to great still and they have been a bit slow returning to the grind of school and life in general. So here it is I have been out of commission caring for my children even though I’m not doing so hot myself but I have no one to help me and they only have me 100% so I give my all to them no matter how awful I feel I am who they have to help them through their sickness so I pushing ailments aside and care for them first and foremost. I apologize for the long sort of diary post but i want to remember that these viruses kicked our butts. Between fevers and strep and leg or body aches and the amount of boogers and tissues and fever reducing meds we used has been intense. I don’t wish this on anyone. The list of what they had/have is Flu B, Adenovirus, Strep Throat, Human Meta-Pneumonia, and Rhinovirus. My youngest also stared to get an ear infection too. It’s been so hard on us all them the most because the sickness was/is a lot to overcome and lasted a long time. May you all stay healthy and well. I pray that the germs are gone for the rest of the season and the summer. Stay safe everyone. Thanks for reading my posts. You are not alone by no means. Prayers for all!
Landlord will not take care of problems what do I do?
I’m just curious if anyone knows what I can actually do about some issues I am having in my home with ants and squirrels that I have brought to my LL attention before and was told she can not deal with the squirrels in the roof of my balcony because the companies will try to get rid of them humanely and take too long and now they fight relentlessly and are defecating or urinating and pooping in the roof closest to the house wall where I sleep. I’m worried about getting sick about will seep into the walls as it’s already rusty where they are going potty. Then the ants she told me to foam the holes as that’s what they do so I caulked what I could and bought traps and bait. But now I think I’m not supposed to be required to do this stuff because it’s not my home or I don’t own it and thought this is what my rents so high for because anything that happens is her responsibility? I don’t have money or time to be caulking and foaming the entire house looking for cracks and holes and buying any traps and bait either. But if I am a day late on my rent each day is a $20 charge extra. I’m just stressed and confused as to why I’m being told to do this stuff that I feel is not my job. Idk what do or can I actually do? let me add that even with 4 kids I’m very clean and constantly cleaning up after them. I don’t really sit down from day 6am to about 9-10pm. So they aren’t here because it’s a dirty home by no means. I have no clue what to do and idk if my neighbors house is dirty or the ants are just looking for a warm place to nest? If you have any advice please comment and let me known your thoughts. Thanks in advance. I don’t really have anyone to talk to or ask so I’m asking online. Silly but I don’t have anyone else to turn to.
I’m so sensitive and emotional
I’m such an emotionally connected person. I feel so connected to others and that has me on edge so much. I feel like I have been crying over everything lately. I have been able to ask for permission to leave items at my childhood best friend’s place of rest. I am there so much but didn’t want to be disrespectful and leave things without asking first. Needless to say I was told it’s okay to leave items and I have been as I miss my friend and more than usual lately. Him and his brothers were like our little street family. Growing up at that time we would leave our house after school and have to be home when the street lights came on as that was our rule other than that we didn’t have boundaries and stuff so we often were on that Street where most of the boys lived. Or the ones we liked. Anyway my friend has been gone for 22 years now and it’s still so raw like I have never gotten closure and haven’t been able to heal fully from his passing. He had joined the Air Force and left this state to begin his new life and was in an unfortunate accident and was taken away from this world so incredibly young. He was 20. I just can’t believe he is gone just gone. Feel broken like there is so much he had to offer this world and so many things that have been left unsaid. He was my friend and he truly meant so much more to me and he definitely felt that way too. We were just in different paths at that time and we knew that. I can recall so many memories of him and his smile his laugh his walk even how he would sit and watch us all and laugh and smile with us. I remember things I probably didn’t even think that much about, back then, as I was so young and him too. So much to process. I feel like he is a part of my soul family and look forward to meeting him and seeing him and laughing and talking to him again one day. I have been driving and I think about a question and the next song that plays sorta relates to my question and I wonder if that’s some kind of connection or strange thing I can’t understand right now. I’m not sure. But I do know that I feel connected to him and wish he would come to me in a dream or some that I can see him and talk about and remember the dream the next day. I will continue to spend time and visit him and sit with him at his resting place and give him some company and talk about stuff that happens but somehow I have to know why my feelings are so strong and what they are or mean. I feel like I’m the one person besides his mom that spends time with him at his resting place and I don’t know why because he truly is/was an incredible person and an amazing friend and more.
Here I sit, once again.
Hi there. So my sister is coming in tomorrow and she had plans to take me out to a nice fancy place to eat just to give me a break from the stresses and I have to pick her up at the airport tomorrow afternoon. So of course I’m on my way to the grocery store to buy food and then I have to get my kiddos from school. Well on my way my van just dies. It throws a code and says VSN and shuts off. The baby’s asleep in his car seat and here I am, stranded. I have to get my kids from school and my van will not start. I’m just so down in the dumps. When I feel calm and that things are getting better or have any sense of joy, something goes wrong. always. I don’t have any money to put into my van. My sister had bought me this van when my daughter was born in March of 2017 so it’s lasted me almost five years. But now I have to figure out what to even do. I’m just so disappointed and the struggle has really got me at a low point. I’m just really upset this happened. Not that I wasn’t waiting for the shoe to drop but the day before my sister comes. Why? Ugh I’m being told it’s the timing belt/chain and it could have warped the motor or something and it may not ever be driven again. I mean really? Can this really be it? I guess this is life. One thing after another. The snowball effect. Trying not to let it get me down so bad this time so the kids don’t see it because they need strength and positivity. So here I come world, be easy on me I have had one heck of a ride so far. Thank you all for reading my life happenings and just know you are not alone as stuff happens to us all. We have to try to hold it together and just keep moving forward hoping to get ahead, a little at a time. Have a wonderful day everyone! I shall leave you with some happiness in a photo of the Valentines project we did together for school.
Christmas draws even closer
I’m under so much pressure and stress I feel so unwound. Every single day that Christmas gets even closer I am more and more overwhelmed and becoming depressed because I can not do for my children as I would like to. Having had lost their home then their father and as if that wasn’t enough they lost at least half of their belongings in the storage unit because it became wet and moldy and destroyed so I had to throw it out. I hate not being able to provide them with what they need to make them feel happy and that they to are good and Santa hasn’t forgotten them. We are on some lists such as the USPS Santa Helper site and I even sent the letter before Thanksgiving just so it would be one of the first but I looked for it and either it’s too sad to post online or they never posted it at all. But maybe, just maybe someone has adopted us and we will receive gifts in the mail soon. I just have no idea and there’s no one to even ask what happened to our letter. I’m also on another list through my children’s school. I’m certain that list should provide them with some gifts. It’s a shame when you have to choose between rent, food, bills or Christmas gifts. Obviously I know having a home is utmost importance so that’s where all the money I have goes. I’m in such debt with my credit cards that I can’t really use them to the max because I lean on them for food and the important stuff that I can’t buy after I pay my rent. I wish that these donations at least told us parents for sure if we would be getting something for the kids. They actually have until Christmas Eve to deliver gifts so I’m forced to wait and pray that they will be able to donate before the deadline. I feel like a failure for them and with the awful summer they are feeling like they are all on the Naughty List and Santa has no idea where they went because we moved. I feel so bad. I don’t even know how to begin asking for help elsewhere because there’s so many people in this Country suffering that I hate to take from them or their kids and I just sit back and say nothing. I’m truly at a standstill. I know that my oldest is going to believe that he was not behaved and Santa put him on the Naughty list and my youngest will just say he doesn’t know where we live. It’s eventually going to turn around and I will eventually be able to post happier times and experiences. I will end this post with a Christmas photo from last year to show how excited and happy my kids are around Christmas time. BONUS** hey, I actually could make one good thing from this Holiday and that’s take my own photo shoot since I have the backdrops and lights from a Photo Booth kit I bought years ago… Yes! Some actual excitement and joy! I wish everyone a Safe and very Merry Christmas and a Safe Happy New Year!!
Desire to feel good about yourself again!
I’m feeling like I’m at a standstill. Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it seems you can’t get ahead or feel good about yourself with the way things are? I don’t know how else to describe what I’m feeling. I’m so blessed and happy that we have a place to call home but at the same time I also feel like this can be temporary. I would love to have my own home for my children that no one can make us move or leave at a whim or each year I have to worry the owner/landlord might wish to increase the rent or sell and I have to leave and figure something out again. The stress that situation put my entire family under is one thing I don’t care to experience ever again. When I look at myself in the mirror I don’t feel good about myself anymore and I’m not sure how to get myself out of this rut I’m in emotionally and even physically. I have to say though there’s so many bigger issues out there that it’s least of my worries right now with Christmas coming up and all the changes my kids endured over the summer. Thank you for keeping up with us and our well being. I appreciate you! May you and yours be blessed in all that you do!
It’s been a long week
Where to even begin? I am going to start with… I hope everyone/anyone reading this is doing well. Now to begin the complications I have found myself in. As I have said before I have found myself and my kids in a very difficult situation as we were forced out of our home we lived in for eight years (not due to any fault of my own) as the owner/landlord decided to sell earlier than the ten year mark as he stated would be the end of the lease and either I can buy if he’s ready to sell or renew for ten years. So I wasn’t ready to buy at that moment and I had to move out asap. My grandparents home was/is vacant as they recently passed away and the estate is just up in the air to their six children and I asked if I could stay there until I got into something. Trying to find a place to rent has been challenging, as I don’t make three times the rent in income. Therefore, I had to go to every agency such as housing and section eight to help me get into something. The lists are years out and in most places section eight is closed for years. But when section eight/housing choice voucher does open and if your lucky enough to get on the list- the wait is at min a year or more. I had gone to HUD and many county assistance offices and housing agencies but none can help me and my family. At this point we had gone to a shelter to get on their list if they had one and we were turned away from the shelter since they were full. I am looking every single day for a place to move into but every place is either wanting 3X the rent in income or the application process takes way too long as we need immediate housing. Well with that I received a call from my one Aunt and she flipped out on me because I was not allowed (by the Eletric company) to pay my grandfathers bill and she was turning the power off because he is deceased. She then said I couldn’t put it in my Aunts name because she has to do it herself and she was shutting the power off right now. Needless to say she had me put it in my name so that I wasn’t charging anyone else’s bills and said that the estate has to take care of his bill or I can pay it if I want after they send the final bill. I figured my Aunt would be mad about this but Waldo didn’t want the power off and I certainly don’t mind it being in my name while I’m here. So I went forward with turning the power in my name and my Aunt just got his final bill and she flipped out on me about it. Started saying how I’m not homeless but in the same breath saying how she’s on her way to the magistrates to have me and the kids removed by the sheriff. I should have known that this was going to happen. She then says I’m living rent free and my kids dad didn’t leave me and we are living the great life rent free. I remained her how i already paid the gas bill ($600+) the day I came here and I had to replace all the water lines and had PEX installed because all the pipes in the basement were sprung leaks. The faucets were so old that they couldn’t even be turned anymore as they were rusted solid. I had to replace all those. She then says she will pay me for what I have fixed up here (she will not she is lying and will not like the bill for the stuff up here) and she and my Uncle want the house back so they can sit up here and cry. Mind you I came here and it was alleviating a huge problem for her not having to keep up with the maintenance like grass and so on. Also the bills were now not her problem either. Needless to say she wants me out asap. My sister spoke to her and I have now 30 days to find a place or we will live in my broken van in a parking lot someplace. People are so cruel. I promise when this is all said and done we will have zero communication with them (my Aunt and those wanting my kids and I out) anymore for forcing my family into the streets if we can’t get into a place. That’s only a small portion of my week. I’m so sad that I can’t make this work for my kids mostly because they just want a home and their lives back and I am failing at that. School starts soon and I can’t even register my daughter for kindergarten until I know where we are going to live. I reached out to their old school because HUD told me there’s a law that states if we are homeless that children can attend at their old district. Hoping we don’t have to do that but it’s an option at least. At any rate having to figure this out has been challenging and super eye opening to those people on fixed incomes and disabled. One day when I’m settled I plan to fight for people like me and people who have been through the same stuff as I have in my life. Since so much has happened I am going to end it there and I will write another blog about what is happening to me later as this one is long and a lot to read already. Praying no one else has or had to suffer the same as myself and my family.
Trying to keep it all together
Good morning. Well it could certainly be a good one for many people but not so much for me. But I guess it’s just one of those things we say even when things aren’t so good. Anywho, last night was a night to remember. My EX (kids father) came to get his truck and trailer from my Grams property and he seen three of the four kids (the oldest ones as the baby was asleep already) and of course he tells them how he has a two bedroom apartment and that’s where he lives now etc. This created some confusion and trauma for the kids who are already in a delicate and stressful situation since I did speak to my two kid’s Psychiatrist who specifically said that if we split up now during this situation we are in it can cause damage to them. I understood because they had lived at the same house all their lives and they have had their parents together all their lives and their personal belongings (now in storage) and of course the cat (which I have to send away). The Dr explained that under the stress they are showing signs of regression (peeing their pants etc) and to add unnecessary stress to their little minds and hearts would be not a good time to split up. I had told him (Dad) this after speaking to him on the phone after the meeting between the psychiatrist and I, and without regard for their psyche he up and left anyways. Funny thing is that when we left our home to come to my grams he said on the way here “we wouldn’t have had no place to go because I have a 2bedroom on standby”. Well I told my family he said that because he had this 2 bedroom apartment but he forced me to figure out where we were going to live until we got into what we ultimately wanted which was to move South so I could be closer to my sister for help with the kids. My family told me yes he has an apartment on standby for himself because he refuses to be responsible and pay for his children and their needs. He is going to Grams with you because it’s free and sure enough when I told him we have a date to go by he told me he was not coming with me and going to his apartment on standby. I have all four kids with me 24/7 so finding a place to go is not easy and applying for places to rent is not easy either since I can’t even write to fill out applications because they are just stressed and they begin arguing or fighting or running around etc. I am still going to apply at places even though my kids are a handful during this period. I believe that this is all a direct response to the pandemic. I believe my old landlord had to sell because of money problems because of the pandemic and we were just in the line of fire so to speak. Needless to say I don’t really have much of an update on life other than it certainly can get worse and I have learned not to say that anymore. I’m hurt, stressed, and frustrated with this whole situation but because I need to fix this for my children I am holding it together and I will release all the pain when we are settled someplace with all their belongings and they are content and happy and have their routines and stability the way we are used to. May God have mercy on me and my babies! Praying
Ed Sheeran Concert
Well here it is. So I am currently seeking a place to live that I can’t get into because I don’t make the required income. I’m trying to find help and all the lists are years long so I will be in my van with four kids come August 1st. I begged my sister to come up and take me to see Ed Sheeran in concert for my Birthday (prior to knowing the lists are crazy long and I can’t get a place to live) and he cancelled that particular show. So my birthday was a bust. Needless to say my sister went on a trip to Tennessee to see her friend and sends me a pic of a church saying guess who they are setting up for? I said please don’t say Ed Sheeran and of course it’s HIM!! And here I am calling CRISIS because my two kids are having major problems with their behaviors under the stress and situations we are in and I have to have my CAT whose ten years old euthanized because of my situation and kids. As I went to a meeting for Parents of kids with similar issues I was hit and ran. Honestly I feel these things don’t happen to people the same. It’s just piling on me and I often wonder how I haven’t cracked already. As I type my two are fighting. Does it ever get better? Will I ever catch a break will I ever not have this black cloud following me? I’m a good person and an honest person and caring and compassionate and giving and more. I don’t drink I don’t do drugs I am a 24/7 mom and that’s it. I FINALLY Graduated College with my ASW and thought that was a huge accomplishment but things have just been downhill ever since! Why is my life so hard and why does all these things keep piling on? I have been at rock bottom since June 15th being homeless with my children praying to catch a break and nope it just gets worse and worse. If this isn’t JUST ME please tell me because I feel like I’m drowning in despair. Nothing has gone right for months now. Am I alone in this? I FEEL SO ALONE!!
