Motherhood – Page 3 – Adrenalyn Max Family

Christmas draws even closer

I’m under so much pressure and stress I feel so unwound. Every single day that Christmas gets even closer I am more and more overwhelmed and becoming depressed because I can not do for my children as I would like to. Having had lost their home then their father and as if that wasn’t enough they lost at least half of their belongings in the storage unit because it became wet and moldy and destroyed so I had to throw it out. I hate not being able to provide them with what they need to make them feel happy and that they to are good and Santa hasn’t forgotten them. We are on some lists such as the USPS Santa Helper site and I even sent the letter before Thanksgiving just so it would be one of the first but I looked for it and either it’s too sad to post online or they never posted it at all. But maybe, just maybe someone has adopted us and we will receive gifts in the mail soon. I just have no idea and there’s no one to even ask what happened to our letter. I’m also on another list through my children’s school. I’m certain that list should provide them with some gifts. It’s a shame when you have to choose between rent, food, bills or Christmas gifts. Obviously I know having a home is utmost importance so that’s where all the money I have goes. I’m in such debt with my credit cards that I can’t really use them to the max because I lean on them for food and the important stuff that I can’t buy after I pay my rent. I wish that these donations at least told us parents for sure if we would be getting something for the kids. They actually have until Christmas Eve to deliver gifts so I’m forced to wait and pray that they will be able to donate before the deadline. I feel like a failure for them and with the awful summer they are feeling like they are all on the Naughty List and Santa has no idea where they went because we moved. I feel so bad. I don’t even know how to begin asking for help elsewhere because there’s so many people in this Country suffering that I hate to take from them or their kids and I just sit back and say nothing. I’m truly at a standstill. I know that my oldest is going to believe that he was not behaved and Santa put him on the Naughty list and my youngest will just say he doesn’t know where we live. It’s eventually going to turn around and I will eventually be able to post happier times and experiences. I will end this post with a Christmas photo from last year to show how excited and happy my kids are around Christmas time. BONUS** hey, I actually could make one good thing from this Holiday and that’s take my own photo shoot since I have the backdrops and lights from a Photo Booth kit I bought years ago… Yes! Some actual excitement and joy! I wish everyone a Safe and very Merry Christmas and a Safe Happy New Year!!

Holidays

The holidays are upon us again and I am completely determined to make this a positive holiday for my kids even though I have no idea how I’m going to buy them anything monetary but I will certainly spend as much time playing with and making them smile and laugh as I can. It has been so hard for us all but they have suffered enough. The drastic changes they have gone through has been so hard on them. They were all born into the home we were forced out of. They are all so happy we found a place to call home and that mommy can bake and cook with and for them and that what was left in decent condition from storage is here and they have their bedrooms back. You couldn’t imagine the difference it makes for them to have their belongings back. They have perked up and became somewhat more positive since moving into our house and that makes me happy. I’m personally struggling with finances and Christmas coming and feeling good about myself but I’m not able to think too much on my own needs because my kids need me to be positive and show strength for them. Staying at my Grandparents house after having to leave my home of 8+ years because my landlord wanted to sell it and we had 30 days to get out. I rented 3 storages to put everything into and lost a ton of stuff because of mold from the water in the storage units and then I went and combined three into two and when I started getting rid of all the destroyed stuff I got it down to one storage unit. Unfortunately my kids lost the most. I wish I could make it up to them on Christmas but unfortunately we will be struggling even longer. We ended up being told we had to get out of my grandparents home and had another 30 days because my Aunt heard and I say “heard” she could also sell and make a profit off their home so she threatened me and my kids with sheriffs coming to remove us. Even after everything after I put into their home and using up my savings. It seems like as soon as the problems were fixed she wanted us to get out. I was actually saving to buy our own home and had to put in a new well inside and outside, changed all the water lines, fixed many issues with the windows, put in pex to replace many pipes, and much more so we could even stay there for the two months we did. I have applied to a few Santa’s helper and even sent in a letter to USPS for possibility of having someone help us this Christmas pending that USPS even posted our letter this year as they choose who’s letter to Santa they are going to post. My son actually handed the letter to the postman asking if he delivers letters to Santa because he doesn’t have a dad he said. Ugh. Makes me feel like such a failure. Well hopefully someone sees or reads our letter and helps out. My kids still have a lot of things from our old life that we were forced out of but I worry if they don’t have anything under the tree on Christmas they will lose their faith and it will be such a shame to see them knocked back down after the fight to get up and stand on our own two feet. We did have a happy Thanksgiving as we did get the dinner together and we baked banana bread together and that makes them so happy and proud. I’m grateful that we have each other and that’s what’s important other than having a place to call home and feel safe and confident in. With that I wanted to update on how our Thanksgiving went and that we are crawling back into regular life as best as we can in our particular circumstances. May you and yours be blessed and healthy! Thank you for checking in.

My oldest three making Banana Bread with Mommy as my youngest slept. They loved spending the time together and baking

Desire to feel good about yourself again!

I’m feeling like I’m at a standstill. Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it seems you can’t get ahead or feel good about yourself with the way things are? I don’t know how else to describe what I’m feeling. I’m so blessed and happy that we have a place to call home but at the same time I also feel like this can be temporary. I would love to have my own home for my children that no one can make us move or leave at a whim or each year I have to worry the owner/landlord might wish to increase the rent or sell and I have to leave and figure something out again. The stress that situation put my entire family under is one thing I don’t care to experience ever again. When I look at myself in the mirror I don’t feel good about myself anymore and I’m not sure how to get myself out of this rut I’m in emotionally and even physically. I have to say though there’s so many bigger issues out there that it’s least of my worries right now with Christmas coming up and all the changes my kids endured over the summer. Thank you for keeping up with us and our well being. I appreciate you! May you and yours be blessed in all that you do!

We are all happy to be together and in a stable home for now so things could be way worse and I’m grateful they are not.

Feeling defeated AGAIN!!

Needless to say I am having zero luck finding a place for my family to live. I have looked at some places but am always turned down because of my income not being 3X the rent. The property owners do not take into account any assistance that I may get such as heating and electricity assistance. I guess they just know what the bills are typically for their units and calculate my income and say I will not have money to pay for food or water gas electric bills etc. I’m starting to feel like those on a fixed income that their income SHOULD Be at the very minimum what it costs today to rent a place to live. It’s unrealistic that all people are living on 3X the rent.

I’m going to say that no one is taking notice to this Country bringing in millions of immigrants and giving them ALL OUR RESOURCES and ALL the people who are rightfully here are not able to get help because there’s no funds left because Biden gave it all away to the people who have been coming from other Countries. I have to find a way for Congress to see how awful this Country has become and the lack of help for OUR OWN PEOPLE!! The USA IS FULL! We can’t help out our own citizens so we can’t help those from other countries either. The word truly needs to get out there. We aren’t going to see it or acknowledge it until it’s too late and we bring over all these people and then they are getting money cars and homes and it’s a matter of time before the behaviors they were or are used to from their home Countries comes out and we are being attacked from our backyard by all the people Biden paid to live here free. Seriously people WAKE UP!! THe time is NOW! We need to stop this. We need to get our own people the help they need and stop giving stipends and SS payments to those whom aren’t even born here. And if someone comes here from another country pregnant or is an immigrant and gets pregnant they should not be given status because they don’t belong here isn’t eh first place. I’m all for going through the motions for a Green card but not to come here for free or on the USA funds. Besides that if I am on the streets with my kids then I’m charged with negligence and CPS takes my kids away. Not to mention child endangerment etc but dragging babies and kids across miles and miles of desert without food or water is okay and here’s your STIPEND. NOPE!! This system is broken. We need to wake up and stop this now!! Seriously!! I’m so upset. I can’t get a single thing from any assistance office that I’m considering just going south with kids in tow and saying I’m also an IMMIGRANT SEEKING ASYLUM! I need that help too a home a car and money each month. Really!!

Backwards System

So I am waiting on some help for first and security because I don’t make enough to cover it on my income. Well, I spoke to the assistance office and they say because I can sleep at my Grams house even though I was told I have 30 days but I don’t have an actual eviction notice yet the assistance office wants me to stay until I get a court hearing for an eviction and THEN contact them for help! Idk I explained that’s why I moved from my last home of eight years because my LL (landlord) wanted to sell and gave me a notice to quit and not an eviction because I then couldn’t find a new place that would even consider taking me and my family with an eviction on my record even though I did nothing wrong. Once you have an eviction no perspective landlord would even look twice at my application. They just move on to the next application looking for a tenant that doesn’t have an eviction! Maybe I could find a slumlord but I may not? I don’t understand how they expect people to get into housing in short notice let alone with an eviction on their record?? This system is broken and backwards! Now waiting on a response from the place that is supposed to help I have a landlord holding a place for me and was told this place can take up to three MONTHS to send the money!! Who holds a place for 3 months? Who? Who even wants to wait that long? I just can’t with this insanity! But let’s bring immigrants over and house, feed, clothe, and medically assist them but allow all of the people who live here born here and those who have fought for us all to remain here safely live in tents or under bridges starving!! Let alone medical care!! I just can’t. Someone has to start fighting for people like me as I know there so many struggling people who can’t get a place to live or afford it. I just can’t even believe they demand I get an eviction before helping. I’m appalled by this backwards Country and what they do for us Citizens and what they ARE DOING for immigrants!!! Shame on them!! Vent over. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant… I appreciate it. Sincerely. Ty

It’s been a long week

Where to even begin? I am going to start with… I hope everyone/anyone reading this is doing well. Now to begin the complications I have found myself in. As I have said before I have found myself and my kids in a very difficult situation as we were forced out of our home we lived in for eight years (not due to any fault of my own) as the owner/landlord decided to sell earlier than the ten year mark as he stated would be the end of the lease and either I can buy if he’s ready to sell or renew for ten years. So I wasn’t ready to buy at that moment and I had to move out asap. My grandparents home was/is vacant as they recently passed away and the estate is just up in the air to their six children and I asked if I could stay there until I got into something. Trying to find a place to rent has been challenging, as I don’t make three times the rent in income. Therefore, I had to go to every agency such as housing and section eight to help me get into something. The lists are years out and in most places section eight is closed for years. But when section eight/housing choice voucher does open and if your lucky enough to get on the list- the wait is at min a year or more. I had gone to HUD and many county assistance offices and housing agencies but none can help me and my family. At this point we had gone to a shelter to get on their list if they had one and we were turned away from the shelter since they were full. I am looking every single day for a place to move into but every place is either wanting 3X the rent in income or the application process takes way too long as we need immediate housing. Well with that I received a call from my one Aunt and she flipped out on me because I was not allowed (by the Eletric company) to pay my grandfathers bill and she was turning the power off because he is deceased. She then said I couldn’t put it in my Aunts name because she has to do it herself and she was shutting the power off right now. Needless to say she had me put it in my name so that I wasn’t charging anyone else’s bills and said that the estate has to take care of his bill or I can pay it if I want after they send the final bill. I figured my Aunt would be mad about this but Waldo didn’t want the power off and I certainly don’t mind it being in my name while I’m here. So I went forward with turning the power in my name and my Aunt just got his final bill and she flipped out on me about it. Started saying how I’m not homeless but in the same breath saying how she’s on her way to the magistrates to have me and the kids removed by the sheriff. I should have known that this was going to happen. She then says I’m living rent free and my kids dad didn’t leave me and we are living the great life rent free. I remained her how i already paid the gas bill ($600+) the day I came here and I had to replace all the water lines and had PEX installed because all the pipes in the basement were sprung leaks. The faucets were so old that they couldn’t even be turned anymore as they were rusted solid. I had to replace all those. She then says she will pay me for what I have fixed up here (she will not she is lying and will not like the bill for the stuff up here) and she and my Uncle want the house back so they can sit up here and cry. Mind you I came here and it was alleviating a huge problem for her not having to keep up with the maintenance like grass and so on. Also the bills were now not her problem either. Needless to say she wants me out asap. My sister spoke to her and I have now 30 days to find a place or we will live in my broken van in a parking lot someplace. People are so cruel. I promise when this is all said and done we will have zero communication with them (my Aunt and those wanting my kids and I out) anymore for forcing my family into the streets if we can’t get into a place. That’s only a small portion of my week. I’m so sad that I can’t make this work for my kids mostly because they just want a home and their lives back and I am failing at that. School starts soon and I can’t even register my daughter for kindergarten until I know where we are going to live. I reached out to their old school because HUD told me there’s a law that states if we are homeless that children can attend at their old district. Hoping we don’t have to do that but it’s an option at least. At any rate having to figure this out has been challenging and super eye opening to those people on fixed incomes and disabled. One day when I’m settled I plan to fight for people like me and people who have been through the same stuff as I have in my life. Since so much has happened I am going to end it there and I will write another blog about what is happening to me later as this one is long and a lot to read already. Praying no one else has or had to suffer the same as myself and my family.

Just another brick wall

I’m not feeling too good about finding a place. I’m super upset that the government is giving away money to people to buy homes and then I found out that the man who bought the house we lived in for 8 years that I wanted to buy when my daughters SSD went through was purchased by one of those people who was given stipend money for coming here and bought my house from my old landlord. How can these things even be happening. Here I am disabled and the daughter and of Veterans and the ex wife of a veteran also and the government is throwing money at those people who are not even US citizens. Feel like fighting for our Country and our Freedoms doesn’t pay off but if you come here with nothing but some story to tell you will be handed a house a car and everything needed to live “The American Dream”. I remember when I began college and had to take all the regular classes I had written an essay about living The American Dream and thinking how blessed am I to have been born here in America where Dreams do come true. Ha. What a joke. I guess I’m hurt and feeling abandoned and lost all while not having any place to live with my four children. Their father just left us behind and we couldn’t get assistance from any agency even when we stood at their door crying and begging them to help. But sure enough if we cross the border we would get some help. I wouldn’t be charged with CHILD ABUSE for dragging my kids the long distance to get to the border but we would be given loads of money and more. This country is backwards and treating their own like immigrants and treating the aliens like their own. See where O live CPS would take my kids if I drug them across borders and put them in danger. If we stave or go without water they would charge us with neglecting our kids and then take them away from us. These are facts!! I’m not making none of these things up. I’m just broken, depressed, hurt, angry, and more. I have been trying to seem like all is well for my children as not to make things even harder since their Dr is saying that moving and dad leaving and the instability is affecting the kids pretty harshly so I’m doing what I can to help them stay focused on school coming soon and anything else I can help them see as a positive but I guess as a parent that’s what we are supposed to do even though everything is falling apart around us. May my prayers be heard and God carry us through these hard times. Just left to praying because unless some Pa representative or politician gets involved I am not going to be getting any help from anyone. We will find ourselves on the streets or in a tent because the government only has aid for people not being US citizens. So sad.

Immigrants getting MONEY & STIPENDS

Immigrants are getting $1800 a month per Adult and $900 a month per CHILD ALSO GETTING A STIPEND TO BUY A VEHICLE AND A HOUSE OR PAY THEIR RENT FOR TEN YEARS. They get food stamps and medical and dental and all kinds of stuff but here I am a Army Brat as BOTH my parents were in the Army and I was born at an Army Medical Center I’m also divorced from a Service member and I am ACTUALLY HOMELESS AND CANT GET ANY HELP!!! I have reached out to 211, UNITED WAY, CEO, National Helpline for Veterans and their Families, Red Cross, HUD, DHS, Assistance Office, Housing, and more and was even turned away from a shelter with my 4 kids! This is the CRAZY PRESIDENT AND CRAZY COUNTRY WE LIVE IN!! If I spoke Spanish I would 100% cross the border and come back over a whole new nobody and have my hand out too. Here I am can’t even get ANY HELP AT ALL! I have multiple places working for me to find shelter/housing and I’m out of luck!! I have 4 KIDS!!! What’s wrong with this Country?? Why can’t I get a place but basically Aliens can get into a place and get all kinds of perks!! I’m really at the end of my rope and I feel like how much more can I possibly take??? What else is going to happen to me/us? How do I get the same as they are getting?? Someone has to know a way for my family to get help even if we HAVE TO TRAVEL AND MOVE We just need a home to call our own to offer routine and stability to my kids. Any advice is welcomed.

Trying to keep it all together

Good morning. Well it could certainly be a good one for many people but not so much for me. But I guess it’s just one of those things we say even when things aren’t so good. Anywho, last night was a night to remember. My EX (kids father) came to get his truck and trailer from my Grams property and he seen three of the four kids (the oldest ones as the baby was asleep already) and of course he tells them how he has a two bedroom apartment and that’s where he lives now etc. This created some confusion and trauma for the kids who are already in a delicate and stressful situation since I did speak to my two kid’s Psychiatrist who specifically said that if we split up now during this situation we are in it can cause damage to them. I understood because they had lived at the same house all their lives and they have had their parents together all their lives and their personal belongings (now in storage) and of course the cat (which I have to send away). The Dr explained that under the stress they are showing signs of regression (peeing their pants etc) and to add unnecessary stress to their little minds and hearts would be not a good time to split up. I had told him (Dad) this after speaking to him on the phone after the meeting between the psychiatrist and I, and without regard for their psyche he up and left anyways. Funny thing is that when we left our home to come to my grams he said on the way here “we wouldn’t have had no place to go because I have a 2bedroom on standby”. Well I told my family he said that because he had this 2 bedroom apartment but he forced me to figure out where we were going to live until we got into what we ultimately wanted which was to move South so I could be closer to my sister for help with the kids. My family told me yes he has an apartment on standby for himself because he refuses to be responsible and pay for his children and their needs. He is going to Grams with you because it’s free and sure enough when I told him we have a date to go by he told me he was not coming with me and going to his apartment on standby. I have all four kids with me 24/7 so finding a place to go is not easy and applying for places to rent is not easy either since I can’t even write to fill out applications because they are just stressed and they begin arguing or fighting or running around etc. I am still going to apply at places even though my kids are a handful during this period. I believe that this is all a direct response to the pandemic. I believe my old landlord had to sell because of money problems because of the pandemic and we were just in the line of fire so to speak. Needless to say I don’t really have much of an update on life other than it certainly can get worse and I have learned not to say that anymore. I’m hurt, stressed, and frustrated with this whole situation but because I need to fix this for my children I am holding it together and I will release all the pain when we are settled someplace with all their belongings and they are content and happy and have their routines and stability the way we are used to. May God have mercy on me and my babies! Praying

Introduction

Hello! My name is Adriana. I would like to Thank You for visiting my site and reading my thoughts and life stories and I hope that my experiences and circumstances will help you and others feel you/they are certainly not alone. I often think the things that happen to me, as often as they happen, couldn’t possibly happen to others but I have found that my experiences are not as uncommon or unusual as I once believed. I am a mother to six children two of whom are teenagers and I will not mention. I will often speak of my youngest four children who are ages 8, 6, 4 & 2. Out of the four my oldest and youngest are boys and both middle children are girls. Two of my children have ADHD and ODD (my 8 year old son and my 4 year old daughter). Being a mother is certainly a blessing! But with that being said at times it can be so difficult to just manage the day to day. The days begin very early and seem to feel like they are so long even though I know that this will one day all be a fleeting memory of when my kids were small. I do my best to try and appreciate these days since I know they don’t last forever. Trying to balance everything often feels like I’m treading water against the tide and getting absolutely nowhere. I will certainly be discussing the difficulties of having children with ADHD and ODD, homelessness, depression, anxiety, loss, and the struggles of advocating for yourself and your children and really just trying to navigate the world with them and for them. That’s to come later on as time moves forward. I am happy to have you here as I share my trials, tribulations and life with the world.