Hello again. I am just going to express some of my thoughts and feelings quick because I’m not sure many people understand why it’s so hard to be an adult and do what you have to do with kids and being a single parent. I tried to explain that many people whom have kids have family or friends they can trust and depend on to watch their children. Even if they only have one person that they can count on randomly watching their kids it’s better than no one and not at all. Just going to the store for a few items with the kids is such a hard time and stressful experience. When you hear the expression “It Takes a Village “ it is so true. One of the very reasons I wanted to have a big family is because this way my kids have each-other to help one another. I have one sister but because she lives so far away I can’t just have her sit with the kids while I run to the store or errands. Having all of them and say having to physically take everyone out to go into the pharmacy for three minutes is way too stressful and overwhelming. Or running into the grocery store for milk and bread turns into a whole other thing with kids wanting stuff I can’t afford or running around or fighting with each other or bumping into strangers because they are not paying attention. It’s just a lot. I hear some people complain that their mom or dad or family is to involved in their lives and they hate it I often say or think to myself you have no idea how lucky you are to have that. Think of how hard things would be if you didn’t have that. Most of the time their family that is in their business is only doing it because they care and want what’s best for them. I wish I had that. I wish I could do so many things that just seem way out of reach for me. I feel like by the time I can actually gain some ground in life I will be too old to actually enjoy anything. My credit score has dropped for unknown reasons (maybe because I paid the minimum payment for the last few months?) or because I have had to use them more than normal? Idk but I have to start looking for a new place soon because I can’t stay here much longer so when my lease is up I’m going to have to move out and pray we don’t end up on the street with the economy like it is and now housing being far few and in between because of all the immigration. I’m so worried about everything. I have been on the list for housing choice vouchers in a few different areas but not sure if I’m even going to get that before my lease is up. I could really use some prayers. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I’m sorry if my life often seems like a negative energy I wish it wasn’t that way too. Be safe and stay healthy!
Tag Archives: Together
One day at a time…
Hello there. I wanted to write an update sort of or just a little of what’s happening with me or what’s on my mind lately. I have been under the weather so to speak as my family has been sick since just before Christmas. It seems as though we are just getting virus after virus and they linger for a long time too. Anyways, I have been able to try to rest since I’m so sick and actually watch some television for once and as I watch these reality shows or my kids watch reality kids shows I see how discouraging and disconnected they all are to the real world. I certainly can’t relate to them and their lavish lifestyle and it’s so upsetting for my kids and unrealistic for them to think that’s how life is supposed to be. Every single show all of them live in these huge million dollar homes and have perfect cars and they almost all have zero family photos on their walls or anything that makes them seem real. I try to explain to my kids that they can’t just make a video and be like the shows they watch. Explaining that all those shows have people working for them editing and scripting their videos. They also have a crew following them around doing the recording that they are not walking around trying to record themselves. Of course I’m mom so they don’t believe me at all. I also watched some that just make me wonder if they even think about the money they are throwing out the door? I mean One Of their private jet trips could potentially buy a decent home or even a few decent homes for someone who doesn’t have the ability to buy their own home. I mean even one shopping trip could buy so many used vehicles for people that otherwise wouldn’t be able to have a vehicle for transportation to work or school. So many people struggle and to watch a lot of videos of people just spending needlessly is so disturbing. I wonder if any of them see a homeless person and offer them anything? I’m saying a meal or a coffee? Not necessarily a house or car but even a ten dollar bill or if they look down on them and assume they are bad people because of their situation? I don’t have the answer to that but I think if those who have the wealth looked down on those who don’t then one day they will have to answer to a higher power and in their next life maybe they wouldn’t be so wealthy and see how it truly feels to be judged and looked down on due to their circumstances. I mean I know they worked for their wealth or most of them did as some may have had it given to them by their parents or whatever. I just would like more options for my kids to see life differently and not set such high expectations. My six year old has been asking for about two years to go to Disney and I keep trying to explain that when she watches these stars go to Disney they have guides and people who plan their whole trip and they don’t have to worry about anything because they have plenty of money to have and buy whatever they want and stay at lavish hotels and go to spas and eat at fine restaurants and they truly enjoy their experiences having no limit on spending and a crew to make their plans perfect. They don’t go to Disney the same as we would go (if ever that was even possible) as they go there to truly enjoy their experience we would go and have to choose between one thing or another as we don’t have money to throw away like that. But she believes truly that Disney is magical and she would be treated like a Princess and that it would all be smooth and exciting the entire time. I just let her keep her fantasy and ultimately agree with her and say one day we will have to go there but I know that’s never going to happen. She doesn’t know that the reality is that I fought so hard to get my credit score high and that having all the bad stuff happen and now living in a place that I can’t afford has caused me to have to use my credit cards to buy food for them and gas and stuff making my payments higher and now my interest is higher and it’s like dominos. All I really wanted was to get into a home of my very own in NC and even explaining that my mortgage would be half of the rent I have to pay making it possible for me to pay for other stuff and bills but nothing went according to plan and here I am once again kicked back into the ditch that I feel I will never get out of. I scratch and crawl to get ahead and one action (landlord selling the home we lived in) resulted in many reactions that I can barely keep up with. I don’t think people who have family to help them or people who have a home of their own realize how lucky they really are. I wondered how some people could complain their their parents or siblings or what have you are in their lives or always being there etc and how annoying it is and I just say to them you have no idea how lucky you are to have family that is there to talk to or to help you or to call upon when you are down and out or need guidance or what have you. There’s so many things I see happening and how television is so different from when I grew up and damaging it is to kids and sets their expectations way off. Sure it’s great to dream and have high hopes but if things don’t turn out that way you certainly need to be grounded or have the ability to get back up and push forward and not let it all get you so down that you have no strength to push ahead. Hoping that I eventually get to a place where we can feel secure and not have to worry so much. I couldn’t imagine a life where I didn’t have to feel so lost and alone. But I will keep pushing forward for my kids and try my best to teach them to be the best version of themselves always no matter how hard life really is at that moment in time. May you all be blessed with health, happiness and love in your lives always.
Keep the Faith
Im so grateful that Christmas was wonderful for the kids thanks to their school helping out and my doctors office and a kind stranger at the store and additional organizations that I applied to. I also went to a gift giveaway and I was first in line with my 2year old (it was a dive through). I am most grateful we have a place to call home and each other which is the most important part of the Holiday. I also had to use a credit account to purchase the one thing they wanted as no organization provides those larger items. The school gave my daughter a ticket to see Christmas light drive through and I took them to that as well. We had gone to this light show in the years past but we weren’t going this year because money is so tight therefore the ticket was another blessing. The kids also had a chance to see Santa at the lights. As Christmas passes I know that having a place to call home for us to be together and make memories in is all that matters after the long, hard, stressful summer we had and the fears we faced. We are happy to just be. When you have those things you don’t really think about them but when they are threatened and lost it is always fear to lose them so I appreciate the small things like time spent together and having a place to call home. Feeling blessed being with my children and making memories together. Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year!
Christmas time and I was about to give up and then this happens…
Hello and let me first say thank you for taking the time to read my blog posts. So as you know we have been through some rough stuff over the summer and we have found a place to call home even though making my bills and the rent has been a struggle. Anyway we made it this far and still have a roof over our heads and that’s a blessing. With that being said Christmas is getting closer and I have received help from one of the multiple organizations I applied to. It’s so scary and stressful not knowing if the other places are going to pull through or if we just have to wait until Christmas Eve or something? So I went to return a outfit I bought at full price as it was now on super sale and I found a few clearance items and as I took them to the register to ask how much they all were and if anything additional came off the clearance price the cashier and I spoke about an agency that was helping her younger siblings who are foster children and she said how incredible these agencies are and the large gifts that they purchased for her siblings. Unfortunately I don’t live in their district so I couldn’t apply. But I was so pleased to hear how great another person or people were in making a strangers child have a wonderful Christmas Day. As we spoke of that I had to put all but one item aside because I just can’t afford it clearance or not. Well… there was a man picking up an online order for his wife and he said he would pay for the items I couldn’t buy. I couldn’t believe my ears. I’m still shaken and randomly cry at the kindness he showed me and without judgement. I started to lose hope in society and people in general because when we had no place to call home there just was no help at all for us. None. Being such an engaged mom and family I felt so let down by the system and how they just have no help for us who really need it. For a home. Not money but a place to feel safe and lay our heads at night and to keep warm and clean etc. But this man who was a stranger who didn’t have to do that DID!! How incredibly awesome was that!! I prayed for his family to have blessings and lots of love in their lives. He made me have that happy cry I so badly needed. I have to say that one gesture has restored a lot of hope I lost in society. Thank you to him for being so kind. I keep reminding my children that being together is what’s important during the Holidays and everyday. Spending time together laughing making memories is what’s important and we will eventually get our lives back the way it was and then we can have a big Christmas celebration one year. They agree but I know they believe that Santa is going to pull through and come for them. My son who’s 8 actually handed our letter to Santa to the postman and he’s sure Santa got it because the postman said he ABSOLUTELY delivers to Santa still. So he is sure Santa’s coming. I fight so hard to be the best mom I could possibly be and their little faces are all I can think about with Christmas right around the corner. Here’s hoping the other organizations I applied to will prevail and pull through this week for them before schools out and I will then have all four kids in tow all day and night leaving zero free time to pick up gifts for them. I’m going to end it there as this was just to say thank you so much to the gentleman at JC Penney and to those who have pulled through for us such as the homeless advocate at my kids school. Thank you for helping us this year I/We Appreciate you all!! I leave you all with a photo of my girls with Santa at school. Thank you again. Merry Christmas to all and I hope you all find yourselves together, healthy and safe this holiday season! Bless you all! Merry Christmas!!
Christmas draws even closer
I’m under so much pressure and stress I feel so unwound. Every single day that Christmas gets even closer I am more and more overwhelmed and becoming depressed because I can not do for my children as I would like to. Having had lost their home then their father and as if that wasn’t enough they lost at least half of their belongings in the storage unit because it became wet and moldy and destroyed so I had to throw it out. I hate not being able to provide them with what they need to make them feel happy and that they to are good and Santa hasn’t forgotten them. We are on some lists such as the USPS Santa Helper site and I even sent the letter before Thanksgiving just so it would be one of the first but I looked for it and either it’s too sad to post online or they never posted it at all. But maybe, just maybe someone has adopted us and we will receive gifts in the mail soon. I just have no idea and there’s no one to even ask what happened to our letter. I’m also on another list through my children’s school. I’m certain that list should provide them with some gifts. It’s a shame when you have to choose between rent, food, bills or Christmas gifts. Obviously I know having a home is utmost importance so that’s where all the money I have goes. I’m in such debt with my credit cards that I can’t really use them to the max because I lean on them for food and the important stuff that I can’t buy after I pay my rent. I wish that these donations at least told us parents for sure if we would be getting something for the kids. They actually have until Christmas Eve to deliver gifts so I’m forced to wait and pray that they will be able to donate before the deadline. I feel like a failure for them and with the awful summer they are feeling like they are all on the Naughty List and Santa has no idea where they went because we moved. I feel so bad. I don’t even know how to begin asking for help elsewhere because there’s so many people in this Country suffering that I hate to take from them or their kids and I just sit back and say nothing. I’m truly at a standstill. I know that my oldest is going to believe that he was not behaved and Santa put him on the Naughty list and my youngest will just say he doesn’t know where we live. It’s eventually going to turn around and I will eventually be able to post happier times and experiences. I will end this post with a Christmas photo from last year to show how excited and happy my kids are around Christmas time. BONUS** hey, I actually could make one good thing from this Holiday and that’s take my own photo shoot since I have the backdrops and lights from a Photo Booth kit I bought years ago… Yes! Some actual excitement and joy! I wish everyone a Safe and very Merry Christmas and a Safe Happy New Year!!
Holidays
The holidays are upon us again and I am completely determined to make this a positive holiday for my kids even though I have no idea how I’m going to buy them anything monetary but I will certainly spend as much time playing with and making them smile and laugh as I can. It has been so hard for us all but they have suffered enough. The drastic changes they have gone through has been so hard on them. They were all born into the home we were forced out of. They are all so happy we found a place to call home and that mommy can bake and cook with and for them and that what was left in decent condition from storage is here and they have their bedrooms back. You couldn’t imagine the difference it makes for them to have their belongings back. They have perked up and became somewhat more positive since moving into our house and that makes me happy. I’m personally struggling with finances and Christmas coming and feeling good about myself but I’m not able to think too much on my own needs because my kids need me to be positive and show strength for them. Staying at my Grandparents house after having to leave my home of 8+ years because my landlord wanted to sell it and we had 30 days to get out. I rented 3 storages to put everything into and lost a ton of stuff because of mold from the water in the storage units and then I went and combined three into two and when I started getting rid of all the destroyed stuff I got it down to one storage unit. Unfortunately my kids lost the most. I wish I could make it up to them on Christmas but unfortunately we will be struggling even longer. We ended up being told we had to get out of my grandparents home and had another 30 days because my Aunt heard and I say “heard” she could also sell and make a profit off their home so she threatened me and my kids with sheriffs coming to remove us. Even after everything after I put into their home and using up my savings. It seems like as soon as the problems were fixed she wanted us to get out. I was actually saving to buy our own home and had to put in a new well inside and outside, changed all the water lines, fixed many issues with the windows, put in pex to replace many pipes, and much more so we could even stay there for the two months we did. I have applied to a few Santa’s helper and even sent in a letter to USPS for possibility of having someone help us this Christmas pending that USPS even posted our letter this year as they choose who’s letter to Santa they are going to post. My son actually handed the letter to the postman asking if he delivers letters to Santa because he doesn’t have a dad he said. Ugh. Makes me feel like such a failure. Well hopefully someone sees or reads our letter and helps out. My kids still have a lot of things from our old life that we were forced out of but I worry if they don’t have anything under the tree on Christmas they will lose their faith and it will be such a shame to see them knocked back down after the fight to get up and stand on our own two feet. We did have a happy Thanksgiving as we did get the dinner together and we baked banana bread together and that makes them so happy and proud. I’m grateful that we have each other and that’s what’s important other than having a place to call home and feel safe and confident in. With that I wanted to update on how our Thanksgiving went and that we are crawling back into regular life as best as we can in our particular circumstances. May you and yours be blessed and healthy! Thank you for checking in.
